Happy Birthday to me! Well, that’s what I thought it would be. Not that I had anything amazing planned or anticipated a spectacular climax to turning the big “3 to the 7″. And I don’t want to sound selfish or even childish by complaining that my day was less than perfect, but it was. I reserve the right to be selfish on at least one day out of the year, possibly two: Mothers Day & my birthday.
In retrospect it’s pretty comical, but I didn’t let my husband off the hook very easily in hopes that this day will be etched in his memory to serve the purpose of “lesson learned” and “what not to do for my wife’s birthday if I know what’s good for me” next year.
It all started when I awoke Friday morning to my husband knocking on our bedroom sliding glass door. He apparently slipped out of the house to drive across town to my fave bakery & brought me back a coffee & cinnamon roll & somehow managed to lock himself out of the house! I just wanted to sleep in an extra 30 minutes…. but that’s okay because he was so sweet to drive all that way just to surprise me with a morning treat. Or at least that’s what I thought.
OK, I’m not a fan of cinnamon rolls. Crazy, I know. I’m more of a salty/savory than a sweet person, but I won’t turn down sugar if it’s offered on most days. Still, I thought it was kinda odd that my hubby knows this but still went thru all that trouble for me. Hmmmm….
He passes me the cinnamon roll, then sits on the couch to drink the coffee! Really? Thanks for the coffee, hun. Then I realize, the cinnamon roll & coffee wasn’t for me at all. He probably picked up my birthday cake & grabbed himself a coffee & roll with the intention of letting me sleep in & surprising me with the perfect cake that evening. I entertain the idea without letting him know that I’m onto his game, thank him for being so thoughtful. Then when he leaves for work I split the roll between the kids 
I know that the cake is in the extra fridge in the garage, but I curb my curiosity & don’t take a single peak. I love surprises!
My husband was supposed to be home early from work & take me out to sushi. He ends up not getting home until almost 8pm. No sushi & I end up cooking dinner for the fam. Not a big deal because I still have this amazing “surprise” cake that I’m dying to delve into. I’m fantasizing about a rich, chocolate cake with heavy chocolate frosting & raspberry sauce drizzled on top. Or maybe he ordered my all time childhood fave: just a simple strawberry cake with vanilla butter cream frosting & flowers. I could also go for a Tiramisu. The possibilities were practically making me drool!
I whip up a pretty amazing marinara sauce that surprisingly the entire family enjoys. Not a single complaint from anyone in the peanut gallery, so at least everyone was on their best birthday behavior for mom! After all it was my favorite dish, not theirs 
After dinner the cake ceremony begins. The singing, the big excited eyes, the unveiling of the special cake. Voila! Out comes a beautifully decorated Chocolate Mousse cake. I love my chocolate, but I can’t palate chocolate mousse cake. I just can’t do it. I don’t like it, never have. And my husband knows this. Well, at least I thought he did. After all, we’ve been together for 17 years! Yes, 17 years! Why doesn’t he know this?!?!?!
I cut myself a small piece & try to act appreciative. After all, it was an effort (& a waste of money) to order such an elaborate cake from my favorite bakery across town. And the kids really enjoyed it & that makes me happy. But for one day it should be all about me, dammit! Just for once.
Fast forward about an hour. Dinner & dessert dishes are piled in the sink. The stove still has left overs that need to be put away. Hubby is on the couch playing with his freakin’ iPhone and the kids are no where to be found. So I not-so-subtly clean the kitchen in a passive aggressive manner that’s not typically my style & the whole house echos with pots & pans clashing about. Still, no one runs to my aid. My feelings were hurt. The family got what they wanted, not me. Everyone was happy except for me. I didn’t get my birthday dinner or even my birthday cake. Not even a little pampering or going out of their way to do things for me. Zilch. Nada.
So I lock myself in the bathroom & cry, just like our six year old probably would have done. And it felt really great to do that & get it off my chest. Then it all seemed kind of silly after that, but I did give my hubby a piece of my mind. The family gave their peace offering & suggested we celebrate my “birthday week”. Woo hoo! I’d like to see them stick to it, but it was still sweet that they offered.
Want to know what have I done so far since Mom’s Birthday Week has been declared? I’ve done three loads of laundry, acted as designated driver last night (argh….), cooked a killer brunch for the fam, took the couches apart to wash the slipcovers & bleached the shower. Serious. Good thing this is my “special week”! I might actually have to get off my lazy ass & do something around here!
I reminded my husband that for the last 11 years since our first daughter was born, all I’ve ever asked for is a maid and strawberry crepes for Mothers Day and for my birthday. That’s it. Nothing lavish or flashy. Easy breezy. I’ve eliminated all the guess work. And I’ll even act surprised, cause seriously at this point if I ever get either of those things on my birthday or Mothers Day it will be huge surprise.
My hubby’s bday is this Sept. And what have I already gotten for him? Tickets to Seattle to spend a few days with his best friends. Oh! And let’s not forget VIP tickets (best seats in the house!) to see Ray LaMontagne at The Greek in Berkeley. That’s okay. He’s got an entire year to dig himself out of this hole.
Ah, well. Completely deserved cry in the bathroom and I too have done the passive aggressive cleaning (which usually results in “can you try to be a little more quiet? I’m trying to watch World Series of Poker.” So, Happy Birthday from a Big Fan and I’m raising my glass o’ red in your honor as soon as I stop typing.
DCJ
PS- My worst Mother’s Day? When our son was two and my husband said, “but you’re not my mother.” and then I reminded him that HIS mother wasn’t my mother either but I sent HER gift and card just the same…
Comment by DCJenn — August 2, 2010 @ 3:08 am
Let me start by saying a great big Happy Birthday to you!!! I can totally relate to your story, nothing worse then building up in your head what that amazing cake is going to be like and then being oh so let down! But hey, at least you got a cake, I didn’t even get one this year on my birthday
I did get a nice gift, but come on, what girl doesn’t want a birthday cake!
Comment by vinomomma — August 2, 2010 @ 3:23 am
Ahhh..I’ve been here. Fingers crossed my day tomorrow (err, today on your site!) I can give a big thumbs up!
It’s the Leo in us – I’m convinced. We go out of our way to make things big, to show our love HUGE…and we get a yucky cake in return. Crying jag warranted!
The most memorable birthday so far (& this is pitiful) is being stuck in a Bakersfield Holiday Inn with zero calls from family – my hubby had one wet shoulder that night! Poor guy…
Comment by tkw82 — August 2, 2010 @ 4:58 am
I soooo understand. I’ve had this birthday and really feel for you!! I only expect two days a year to be remembered and remembered well, our anniversary and my birthday. I don’t care about anything else. I expect mother’s day breakfasts to be awful but choked down with lots of love. But, my birthday is supposed to be an all me day. ME DAY I SAY!!! Considering it is the day after Christmas how hard can it be to remember? I don’t expect lavish gifts, just don’t make me wash your damn dishes!!! Oh sister, I so understand!
Comment by ah122668 — August 2, 2010 @ 5:53 pm
I am one day older than you! And I share your sentiments. My husband moved to MN where he started a new job in June, and my kids (DS11, DD8, and DS4 after their early August birthdays) and I still live in our TX house while we try to sell it. I work from home, and there is no babysitter or family to send the kids to. I also homeschool, so I have chosen to keep myself surrounded by them to some degree, but as the only parent right now, it’s out of hand.
My birthday was spent trying to work while my children fought, then they asked to have friends come over, who spent the next hour slamming doors, banging into walls (did I mention I am trying to sell my house?), and finally got on my last nerve and were sent home. I took my kids out to dinner where I wanted to eat. They complained about the food. I took them where I wanted to go for dessert. My son complained because I wanted to eat outside on the patio and he did not. When we got home, it took me an hour and a half to get them to go to bed while I tried to get more work done. Meanwhile my husband had a quiet evening to himself.
The last two nights, I have told my children that they needed to get to bed and go to sleep at a reasonable hour if they had any hope of using their grandfather’s birthday gift of two-day tickets to a local waterpark. Last night, I found them after midnight in DD’s room, playing with Legos. After furiously getting them back in bed, I told them they needed 7 straight days of no issues at bedtime in order to go on the trip. I hought this would be serious incentive. They were in bed quietly tonight until I realized DS4 did not have on his night-time underwear. DS10 was asked to help. Well, 30 minutes later and three yells to him and DS4 to stop or they would lose the trip for good, I just walked into their room where they were wrestling and tossing a ball.
That’s $200 worth of non-refundable, non-transferable tickets they just cost us. And I wanted to go. Looks like I will be cracking open a bottle tonight.
Comment by speechchic — August 3, 2010 @ 3:17 am
Had no idea this happened to you Christine
I’m on the road to a similar B-day experience. Mine is next week (10th)….was supposed to be arriving in Hawaii that day~had to cancel that trip = disappointment #1! Entire extended family is on Dafauskie Island in South Carolina for an over the top Aug 8th fun family wedding ~ couldn’t swing that trip = disappointment #2. I will be in Tahoe for my birthday (yes, gorgeous place) but we are camping (least favorite way to vacation!) = disappointment #3! No doubt I will be cleaning up after Kevin and the girls @ the campsite!!!! I have already worked on damage control by buying myself 3 bangle bracelets, handmade from Hawaii that I’ve been eyeing for quite some time, and instructing Kevin to wrap them up for me!!!
Comment by mikalakai — August 5, 2010 @ 5:59 pm
Happy belated birthday to you …..! I’m SO glad to have read your story, because I feel the exact same way. Ever since my mother died, my birthday hasn’t been the same celebration. My husband has had varying levels of trying, but he really doesn’t put much time or effort into it. My mom always made sure that I had my favorite cake on my birth – DAY. This year my husband told me the kids were all coming over for dinner on my birthday (thought that would be nice). It would be EXCEPT I would cook the dinner and clean up, all leading up to the cake and song (that’s the part for me). I’ve been married 33 years, have 3 grown, married kids, & 2 young grandchildren. I do for ALL of them ALL year, and this year, for the first time, I told my husband NO to the plan. Like you, I said, “MY BIRTHDAY and Mother’s Day are my only 2 days of the year, but I have to share Mother’s Day with children’s in-law moms”. “SO, MY BIRTHDAY is really the ONLY day of the whole year that I don’t have to share with anyone, and it should be ALL FOR ME”. I told him if all were coming over for me to cook dinner for the family, then I didn’t want that for my birthday. I’m so glad I finally spoke up. On my birth – DAY, one of my daughters took me out to lunch. The family did come over, but ALL the preparation, cooking, and clean up was done by them. They even served my favorite Reese’s cake. I say to ALL other mom’s out there that feel unappreciated like I did – don’t wait 33 years to let me know how you feel. Most men don’t care much about birthdays and holidays, so they assume it’s no big deal to us. Let them know, WELL in ADVANCE, exactly what you want (shouldn’t have to, but let’s be realistic), then maybe, just maybe, things will get better.
Comment by Susan — November 4, 2010 @ 6:40 pm
After years of disappointing birthdays i finally realized re-training my family was imperative. So heres what i did. THe night before my birthday i went grocery shopping for all my favorite things. The next morning i woke up with a smile on my face and wished myself a wonderful day. I cooked myself a wonderful breakfast and enjoyed all my favorites. Specialty coffee, premium oj, thick bacon, eggs just right, pasteries etc. The kids woke to the smell of heaven and asked what i was doing.
“Making MY birthday breakfast!” and left to eat in bed. Later the kids wandered in and asked what we were gonna do today. I told them i didnt know what “they” were gonna do, but “i’m” gonna go shopping and buy something nice for my birthday . I induldged in everything that made me happy that afternoon. (on my preplanned budget of course!) Reading a book at starbucks, windowshopping, talking on the phone unintrupted, whatever. Dinner was already planned from the night before and all day i looked forward to my delicious birthday dinner, which was a breeze to make since everything was ready and waiting. Then, MY special cake was brought out. By me. Cut uncerimoniously but with great contentment and anticipicated pleasure. And as i walked away with a smile on my face, huge slice on my plate, a cup of ice-cold milk and my favorite movie tucked under my arm, i called over my shoulder, “I’m going to watch MY favorite movie cause its MY birthday and help yourselves to some cake if you want.” The look of sheer speechlessness on my families faces was present enough from them. So i finished the day with a very, very content and happy birthday that was just right- from beginning to end. And guess what? The next year, and i did not expect this, all the breakfast food that i had bought for my birthday the night before, was cooked for me and delivered to my bedside before i even opened my eyes! What a surprise! What great kids i have.
Comment by Cassie515 — November 7, 2010 @ 3:45 pm